Fifty-nine

Monday, February 28, 2011

11:20 PM

My dearest Popol,

It's true what they say about despair. It wraps itself around your heart, so tightly that it seems to be all you know, and it doesn't matter what time of day it is, or whether you're about to sleep or have just woken up, it's there, constantly, and you can't break away.

It’s my second hour at my new desk here in Alphaland, having mechanically fixed my stuff around me. Through all that, nothing about how I feel has changed. The reminder remains: you don't miss me back.

Fifty-eight

Sunday, February 27, 2011

11:13 PM

My Dearest Popol,

It never really occurred to me, since starting to write these letters, that there was a possibility that we wouldn't end up together. I suppose I was so certain about how I felt that I never paused, even for a moment, to consider that maybe you no longer feel the same way about me. I took it for granted that it was only a matter of time, that you would tell me you loved me, sooner not later. But maybe you wont?

It's curious, when you start having doubts, you think of nothing else. And even things you wouldn't normally take notice of, or think of as suspect, necessarily, all seem to point to one thing: things are changing.

I don't know when these feelings of unease started, exactly. Though that day a week ago stands out: when you told me you were going to Baguio. Then after that, you seem to take longer to reply to my texts, or you don't reply at all, or you seem to be distant, and cold. It could all be my imagination. I really hope it is.

When you're away from me, and on one of your trips with your friends, and having a lot of fun, do you spare me a thought at all?

Fifty-seven

Saturday, February 26, 2011

11:11 PM

My dearest Popol,

I miss you.

I miss you so much.

I had thought I'd be spending tonight with you - was dreaming about it for weeks. But oh well. I suppose I could wait for when you come back.

I wonder if you miss me too? Although I imagine you're having too much fun in Baguio to have time to miss me.

But it's okay, maybe when I see you again, you'll see that you did miss me somehow. Here's hoping.

Fifty-six

Friday, February 25, 2011

11:08 PM

My dearest Popol,

Well, it's a tiny piece of stationery, so I'll keep this short (and sweet?).

Today on the jeepney ride to work you mentioned that you were planning to go abroad soon. I dunno if you were trying to soften the blow by saying "Antarctica" but I really, really don't want you to go. And not that I'm planning on grad school here, I don't think I could come with you even if you had wanted me to. *sigh*

Fifty-five

Thursday, February 24, 2011

11:01 PM

My dearest Popol,

HONEY, I'M HOME!

Hi sweetie, I'm finally back in Manila! Gosh, I miss you. I hope you get here soon. 5 o'clock feels so far awayyyy...it feels like the last 17 days were interminable, I don't know how I was able to get through that.

Did you notice the date? It's our number! Hehe, wala lang.

I came straight home from the airport in order to rest. Although we didn't really do anything today except travel, the flight wore me out nonetheless.

I decided to write this letter this afternoon instead of tonight, when I usually find time to write. When you arrive later I don't want to be distracted by anything. I want to be able to focus all my attention to you tonight.

While I am so very happy that I will see you again after almost three weeks away, I am also somewhat filled with a sense of dread. After this one night together you will be travelling to Baguio for the weekend. One night is too short a time to make up for our weeks away. I wish I could go with you. But I know that is not to be. *sigh*

It's okay though. I don't really mind that much. Having you for a night is far better than none at all. Please get here really, really soon?

I love you baby.

Tya_

Fifty-four

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

10:59 PM

My dearest Popol,

You know what, this day was quite shocking. We were supposed to interview two people. But when our buddy came forth to fetch us at the hotel, she told us that one of the tribal chieftains had been shot to death the night before! Scary! I think it was "re-do" - however you spell that.

When I heard that I was so scared I really wanted to hug you, to assure myself you're there..

Fifty-three

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

10:54 PM

My dearest Popol,

Guess what! Kat-leung and Carl are engaged! I saw it on Tita Baj's Facebook, she posted pictures of the engagement. Isn't she such a cute Mom? I wrote on Kat & Carl's walls, and also commented on Tita's album.

Then I read some of the other people's comments on Tita's posts, and noticed that quite a few were teasing about her becoming a grandmother soon. And she would always respond about how excited she was at the prospect.

And that made me really sad...Remember how I told you that Carl didn't want kids? He was really set on it at that time. And I'm really saddened about Tita being really excited, not knowing that it might not happen.

I'm thankful that you want kids too. We don't agree on how many to have just yet but that will be easy to settle when we're there.

I can't wait to have babies with you. And when that day comes, I'll be the happiest girl ever. Until then, I remain,

Yours.

Fifty-two

Monday, February 21, 2011

10:46 PM

My dearest Popol,

This is my last Monday away - I'll see you in three days! I can hardly wait, I really, truly miss you.

Today was a normal day, a little busy but alright. We did some more interviews again. Mitzi has started to get on my nerves, though. For all that I love Mitzi, she's not the easiest person to work with, and her seeming helplessness at times can be tedious. I've been rolling my eyes to myself lately.

Don't get me wrong, I acknowledge her need to be extra careful, what with her condition. But sometimes her whining really is too much. Tito Nonoy has really spoiled her, and having been accustomed to getting what she wants most of the time, it’s like she expects everyone else to coddle her. And I'm not always in the mood to humour her. And being stuck with her for two weeks now, well, I'm getting to the end of my rope, I must admit.

I'm not whiny, am I? And I don't demand too much of you, do I? I wouldn't want to grow old to become whiny like she is - but maybe she's always been like that, even when she was young.

Anyway, I hope to have you in my future to keep me in line. Even my mom noticed how you were able to influence me positively. Until that day you can influence me that way again, I remain,

Yours.

Fifty-one

Sunday, February 20, 2011

10:40 PM

My dearest Popol,

Four more days and I'll see you again! (I don't like this pen, it's weird.)

Don't worry, I've quite gotten used to the fact that you'll be gone this weekend, despite my fantasies of spending it with you.

It's Kat_Leung's birthday today, did you know? Did I tell you about that debut of Kat's that Nancy and I arranged? It was still freshman year, so we hadn't known Kat very much yet. And Kat is a very private person, more so then than she is not, I believe. She had, understandably, been holding back on opening up to us, because her high school had been rather traumatic. But that's a different story.

So anyway, there we were, having surrounded the Cervini Pool with candles, our friends waiting by it, and I was left to wait for Kat and lead her down the hundred steps to the pool - blindfolded. That was a good night.

I never knew what a difference that night made for Kat, never realised that that was a milestone on her op[ening up to us, until years later, when I was working in Davao, and Tita Baj (Kat's mom) and I had one of our late-night talks and she told me. I guess I never really know in what ways you can touch someone's life.

Love, tya.

Fifty

Saturday, February 19, 2011

10:36 PM

My dearest Popol

I just found out from you that you will be gone on the weekend after I arrive from this trip. I have to admit that I cried after hearing that. I have been so looking forward to spending time with you, to seeing you the whole weekend. I have been missing you so badly, and you're going to leave the day after I arrive. And when I asked you who you were going with, I was half hoping that you'd invite me along. But you just replied "college dorm maters" without so much as an invite. Not that I really seriously thought you would -  I've quite got used to not being able to come along on your trips. But I really, really wanted to see you. I had been fantasising about that weekend - we could even just stay at home, and cook and watch TV and be in bed,

I miss you so much baby. I had been looking forward to going home, but not, I just dread it.

Tya.

Forty-nine

Friday, February 18, 2011

10:33 PM

It's Friday again, and instead of curling into bed with you, I'm trying to get to sleep, again alone for the twelfth night in a row. I miss you, baby. At least next Friday will be better. I get to spend all night with you! And I get to stay in bed until mid-morning, and waking up is great because I can snuggle up to you and sleep some more.

There, I've cheered myself up enough to finally get to sleep.

Love,

Tya.

Forty-eight

Thursday, February 17, 2011

10:10 PM

My dearest Popol,

We moved to GenSan today, since starting tomorrow, we'll be doing interviews in the municipality  of Malungon, which is much closer to GenSan than to Digos.

Everyday I count how soon it'll be till I see you again, and it sucks because every time I do. It's just another day down and I still have  a week to go until I see you.

Do you miss me, too? You do, right? It's just, it's been a while since you last told me that... it helps to hear you say it. It eases the yearning a little.

<3,

Tya.

Forty-seven

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

10:04 PM

My dearest Popol,

We didn't do any interviewing today. Well, we sort of did, I guess. We were the ones being interviewed - about that security incident again. Much ado about nothing, if you ask me.

It's just eight days till I see you again, virtually just a week! We had to go to GenSan again today, all because of the security re-induction. Ha! As if that screw-up was our fault!

Anyways, so there we were, being told off for not having followed their reporting protocol, when in fact, it was their fault that they're a bunch of stupid gits who couldn't implement their own rules and didn't communicate with each other. Sorry, I'm just ranting.

We had lunch at "little kitchen" today. Their food was alright. It reminded me of that restaurant we ate at in Legaspi: "small talk" remember?

I've been trying to go healthy over the past days - primarily vegetables and fish when I can get them. I wonder if my being fat turns you off. I bet it does. I'm really trying, baby. I swear I am. It's just really difficult. But it'll happen, alright?

I miss your scent. I love having that smell next to me, especially when I'm about to sleep...hmmm, best way to go! Until the night I get to sleep next to you again, I remain,

Yours.

Forty-six

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

9:57 PM

My dearest Popol,

Today was really easy, we just did the one interview which was pretty interesting because we learned about a long-standing land dispute in the area, and it's been going on since the 1920s!

After that one interview we got back to the hotel, had snacks, and then I pretty much slept all afternoon long.

What about you? How was your day?

I miss living with you. It was a joy when we still lived in 3112, and we'd come home, and hang out in our room, and you'd tell me about your day.

I love that you tell me everything. Well, at least almost everything, probably? I do like listening to you, especially when your eyes start twinkling with passion, but please forgive me if I have a short attention span sometimes . I just find it hard to follow your lingo sometimes.

I hope you don't tire of talking to me about your day, about your passions, about your dreams. I love your dreams, did you know? I love your belief in your ability to reach them. I just hope and pray that I get to be part of your dreams. That in future, when you're happy and you've reached your goals, and you've become who you want to me, that I'll be there with you, and that you'll want me to be there with you, too.

Love,

Tya2x

Forty-five

Monday, February 14, 2011

9:53 PM

My dearest Popol,

Happy Valentine's Day sweetie! (Ooohh, I miss calling you that…) Tonight, instead of having dinner with you, I had dinner with Mitzi and our driver , Jay, instead. We went to this one other hotel in Digos called Crisbelle, and the food was actually pretty good.

I wished you were there, though.

It was too bad about your Valentine's day plan falling through, though. It sucks having to stay at home when you know everyone is out there celebrating and having dates and stuff - although, I'd choose staying at home rather than going out as long as I'm staying home with you.=)

But it's okay, we'll make sure that next year is better. We'll plan a really romantic date - maybe even a Valentine weekend somewhere - and make sure that we make up for this night apart. But then again, we do have New World to look forward to so we'll still have a post-Vday weekend!

Love,

Tya.

Forty-four

Sunday, February 13, 2011

9:50 PM

My dearest Popol,

It's the day before Valentine's and I'm left contemplating the fact of spending tomorrow alone. *sigh*

Yeah, I probably should not have stayed in my room all day long, it's making me think of weird stuff, lonely stuff.

I remember that Valentine's date we had at the Shang, and we had dinner at Pho Hoa. That was fun, we should do that again soon.

I really miss you.

Love,

Tya.

Forty-three

Saturday, February 12, 2011

9:40 PM

My dearest Popol,

Today we drove to GenSan in order for Mitzi to get her security briefing at the client's office. We had planned to wait until we'd moved to GenSan from Davao/Digos. But, well, because of that "security incident", we're having to make sure that Mitzi takes it as soon as possible.

We then bought some pirated dvds near KCC - I got House seasons 6&7, and Prison Break season 3. then we had lunch at Bigby's - I got pesto pasta and we shared a calamari. But I preferred Mitzi's pasta dish, maybe because it was tomato-based? I dunno. Hehe.

Then we went back to Digos. When we were close we decided to drive to Eden since we were already so close anyway. Also, Mitzi hadn't been before so we thought it would be an opportunity for her to finally see it. It was just our luck that when we were getting close, it started raining, hard. I suppose it was only to be expected, we were heading toward a rainforest, after all. You know, it's always struck me as ironic how nature has been designed such that it's bound to rain more in rainforests - where it's already wet & cool enough as it is - and not so much in cities and arid areas, where it's hot and therefore needs the rain so much more. The hydrologic cycle really is a mystery, isn't it? I mean, obviously only to the extent that we can't explain how it works over and above that which we do already know. Hmm, I'm not sure I'm still making sense. I think it's time to sleep. Goodnight baby, see you in 12 days! Mwah mwah! Love tya_

Forty-two

Friday, February 11, 2011

11:21 PM

My dearest Popol,

Today was really tiring, we interviewed eight people! And then when we got back to the hotel, our GHD project manager had to ask me all sorts of questions regarding the security "incident" and so I couldn't even rest right away.

I hope your day was better. And this Friday, too. I can only imagine  that you could have been spending the night with me at home. It would have been ever so much better.

Sleeping alone sucks . At least at home Vessa is in the room with me and it doesn't feel as lonely.

Do you miss me when you're alone in bed? Do you wish I was there in your arms? I'd like to  think so. I feel like I keep saying the same things in these letters; I miss you, I miss your smell, your feel, everything about you. I hope you'll never tire of hearing (reading) me say that.

I want you in my bed and in my arms. *sigh* My bed isn't nice without you in it.

I'm also watching the Big Bang Theory. It's the one where Sheldon and Leonard went into Penny's apartment at night and cleaned. That was really funny. I found myself mouthing along with some of Sheldon's lines - is it still "mouthing" along when you're saying it out loud? Hehe.

I miss our Big Bang Theory sessions at Paragon, lying around in bed and watching these things over and over. It was funny how you'd rewind Sheldon's lines over again until you couldn't get over how funny it was.=)

Love

Tya_

Forty-one

Thursday, February 10, 2011

11:16 PM

My dearest Popol,

Today was really stressful, we ran into some security issues, and had to spend most of the morning reporting the incident and having to be followed around by a security escort. I felt really uncomfortable through all that. Not to mention I may have gotten my "buddy" in trouble. I hope she doesn't get too much flack.

This day reminded me again of how much I dislike this project. I do not get any sort of fulfillment from it whatsoever. I always said I preferred taking my water samples, they're so much more straightforward.

*Sigh* Thanks for the ear babe. Mwah!

Tya_

Forty

Wednesday, February 09, 2011

11:13 PM

My dearest Popol,

I'm using these stationery sets again! I can't get over how cute they are.

Work today was alright, although talking to people all day, and about the same things over and over again, has started to get to me. It would have been alright if I had you to come home to, and erase the stress of the day, but oh well. At least I have that to look forward to, in future. Until then, I remain,

Yours.

Thirty-nine

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

11:10 PM

My dearest Popol,

I just got these stationery sets, aren't they absolutely cute? I actually got them in Unicity in Digos, of all places, hehehe.

We just checked into the hotel, and my room is alright. In a way it reminds me of that place we stayed at in Coron, but maybe a little better. This is concrete, for one. And certainly lacks in one primary aspect: you.

*Sigh* I miss you so. Counting the days until I see you again. Till then,

I remain,

Yours.

Thirty-eight

Monday, February 07, 2011

11:05 PM

My dearest Popol,

It's my first night away from Manila this year, my first night in which I know you aren't a short drive away, the first of many nights over the next few weeks during which I will miss you, and without the comfort of knowing I could see you the following day over lunch, or that you would be spending the night in a couple of days. I'm not looking forward to the next 15 days, in fact I am positively dreading it, and I will be counting the days until I see you again. I hate being far from you, hate not being able to see you for long periods of time. I can't wait to come home to see you. I'll hug you so tight I'll probably knock the breath out of you...i miss you, already, baby. And I know you miss me too. Absence does make the heart grow fonder, but it also quite increases desperation!

I love you, sweetheart, and until the 24th,

I remain,

Yours.

Thirty-seven

Sunday, February 06, 2011

11:00 PM

My dear Popol,

It's the night before I have to leave for my trip to Davao/GenSan, and I'm starting to feel the sadness creeping in. 18 days is too long!

At least I have tonight. And having been with you this weekend may sustain me for a while yet. It's difficult to be away from you, I miss you too much.

It's a good thing we already have technology. We can talk on the phone still, and chat, and write emails. It's a pity we don't really write letters any more. I prefer this, it's much more sincere, and sweet. Also, tangible, and so much more emotional.

I wonder if you'll appreciate these letters of mine. I wonder if opening a letter of mine would bring a smile to your face. I hope so. But until that day I see your first smile, I will keep writing these, in the hope that they willmake you happy.

Love

Katya_

Thirty-six

Saturday, February 05, 2011

10:54 PM

My dearest Popol,

Nothing much happened today, we were pretty much just hanging about the house and spending time together - which was just how I wanted it. I wanted the time we spent together before I left to be quite and relaxed and really quality time, you know?

I remember our times at home before, weekends at Paragon with you were really something to look forward to - they always got me through the gruelling week at work.

I hope that time will come again soon, I really miss those times. But you know, sometimes I'm scared that that time really won't happen anytime soon. Sometimes, almost nonchalantly, you mention going abroad. And while I don't respond to that in any way - after all, what could I say? I have no right to react, or ask you not to go. Who am I? But the thought of you leaving, for months or years, it breaks my heart. I don't want you to go. But that's not really in my power, is it?

Love, tya.

Thirty-five

Friday, February 04, 2011

10:49 PM

My dearest Popol,

We would have been together three years today! I was so sure we'd make it, certain we'd go the distance.

I guess in a way I took it for granted. Three years doesn't seem all that long compared to a lifetime. Maybe that's why God rendered us apart for a while, so we'll realise that we need to work hard to be together, in order not to fall into complacency.

Sometimes it feels like time has passed us by so quickly, yet sometimes, too, it feels like we've know each other for so long.

Today passed unspoken and unacknowledged by us. I didn't want to, but I was afraid drawing attention to it would not have been a good idea. Just as it could have brought joy because it is, after all, our anniversary somehow, it could just as easily have broken the spell - we were doing alright over dinner (well, your dinner), and I just don't want to (possibly) ruin the rest of tonight.

I am content in celebrating this day silently, as long as it is with you. Happy Anniversary, baby.

Love,

Tya_

Thirty-four

Thursday, February 03, 2011

10:44 PM

My dearest Popol,

Do you remember what day this is? Three years ago today we embarked on a journey neither of us knew would lead us here, lead us both to the kind of love I couldn't have imagined was waiting for me. Neither of us knew that our unplanned conversation through YM could have led to so much more, to a night so special It is etched in my memory forever.

Did you know? Could you have foreseen that what seemed to be so seemingly harmless a bout of flirting could have led to something so much more?

Every February 3rd, I can't help but reminisce, and look back in fondness on what could only have been the night of nights, the beginning of a most wondrous adventure, the beginning of what I hope will be a lifetime of love.

To this February 3rd, and to many more February 3rds in our lifetime,

Love!

Tya_

Thirty-three

Wednesday, February 02, 2011

10:41 PM

My dearest Popol,

I love waking up next to you.

I absolutely love it.

And those few minutes just before actually waking, when I decide to snuggle up to you just a little while longer...heaven.

I love how you smell.

I love the feel of your arms around me.

And in the middle of the night, and I realise I'm not in contact with some part of your body, I love how I can grasp your hand and place it around my waist.

I love the warmth of you.

I love how your breath feels on my cheek.

And when we're on the verge of falling asleep, especially after having just made love, the way you say goodnight melts my heart.

I love the feel of your lips on mine.

I love...you.

Thirty-two

Tuesday, February 01, 2011

10:31 PM

My dearest Popol,

WOW, I'm on my second month of writing these letters! I'm so excited today coz I'm going to get to see you! Also coz I'll see my closest friends (also you're friends=)).

I'm going to be hosting our get together dinner, and I'm planning on making:

 - salad greens w/french vinaigrette (I can't spell!) dressing

 - pasta in tomato sauce (maybe spirals)

 - breaded herb fish

Of course, by the time you read this, you will have known whether I did manage to make the above.

I remember when I couldn't cook at all! My first attempt at making pasta for my friends (same ones Kyla + Carla+Myat) was met with a lukewarm reception (at best) - yeah, these aren't the most appreciative of friends, hehe.

I suppose the contrast is made even clearer when I remember your reception of things I cooked for you. No matter how simple it was, you found a way to show my that you liked it, you always ate with relish, and you were always happy to grab second helpings. That's why I love cooking for you, I never have to fear about the reception, because you seem to know just how to react, whether negatively or positively, and I never tire of placing a plate or bowl in front of you.

I look forward to a lifetime of cooking for you, baby, and I hope you're as excited as I am to discover more recipes together!

Love,

Tya_

Thirty-One

Monday, January 31, 2011

10:25 PM

My dearest Popol,

Today is my dad's 53rd birthday. And I find myself wondering whether I've shown him enough appreciation throughout all the years he's been there for us, and for me, especially.

I know my daddy isn't perfect, but he's probably as close as anyone can get to a perfect dad. He was a great provider - at no time when I was growing up that I doubted his ability to provide for us.

He was a firm disciplinarian - consistent in his correction of us, yet never over the top.

He was a constant supporter - I knew he was there for me in his own silent, non-verbal way; he had the ability to withhold his own opinion to enable us to make out own decisions, and whatever the outcome was, he was there to cheer us on.

Upon meditating on these things, I begin to ask myself; have I been looking for the above in my future partner? I'm not sure I did that actively. But looking at you, I believe I did succeed in finding those same traits in a partner. All of the above, and so much more...

Thirty

Sunday, January 30, 2011

10:18 PM

My dearest Popol,

Today was quite a great family day for me - though too bad Ate Pang wasn't with us. After my row, my parents and I attended church at UCM. We made a quick visit to Legaspi Market, but then decided to have dad's birthday lunch at Serendra. We ate at Sentro, who has pretty good Filipino food. Afterwards we walked around High Street for a bit, I even showed them Fully Booked and its three floors.

When we got back outside, Dad pointed out a movie poster of Nicolas Cage and Season of the Witch and decided to watch it. When we found out that Market Market's cinemas weren't reserved seating, we decided to move to Rockwell and watched it there. While we were waiting in CBTL for the movie's start time, Fully Booked texted me that the Narnia boxed set was available!

Of course, as you will surely find out, I bought it.=)

On the whole, it was a great day, and I can only hope and pray that our own family have such days in future, too. Until then, I remain, YOURS.

Twenty-nine

Saturday, January 29, 2011

10:13 PM

My dearest Popol,

It's about 2:50 AM, and I just arrived from Chucky's, Zhan and I didn't leave until past two. It was quite fun, but I wish you could have been there with us. But I'm sure you're having much more fun in Ilocos.

Today was quite restful, before the party, that is. My parents and I were just home, and dad continued work on the sink frame, and I helped paint it. He also painted the door (kitchen) because he mucked it up attempting to cover up the brown, paintless areas, where he removed the useless bolts and stuff.

And then when it was time for me to go see Zhan, my parents started getting ready, too, for a date on their own, I suspect. Zhan and I didn't know what to get for the party, but I decided on fishball, squidball, and fries in the end.

We were early, too. Well, not early, we were late, actually, most people just happened to be even later than we were! Go figure. Still, I would have enjoyed that part so much more had you been there. But it's okay, I'm sure in future we'll be attending virtually every party together.

Until then, I remain, Yours!

Twenty-eight

Friday, January 28, 2011

10:07 PM

My dearest Popol,

I'm so tired, but also really elated. We (that is, me and my parents) just came home from watching a PBA game, and it was a really good game because we won!

At first I wasn't really all that excited coz I hadn't really been a PBA fan, but once we got into it, and the drums were pounding and the shouts were reverberating through Araneta, it took me right back to when I used to watch the UAAP games and I found myself bouncing up and down in excitement - it kinda took my parents by surprise, actually: "rabid fan" I think they called me.=)

It occurs to me that we haven't actually watched a sports game together, so I don't really know what you are like when you get excited and giddy…(not to mention competitive=))...we should do that sometime. Looking forward to it!

Until then, I remain,

Yours.

Twenty-seven

Thursday, January 27, 2011

9:53 PM

My dearest Popol,

I was really excited about today, because I was to meet you at lunch. And I was quite happy I wore what I did: I love looking good for you (I don't know if you've noticed).

I remember walking to Ayala Tower One with a sense of anticipation, hopeful for a glance of appreciation from you when you finally saw me. Hmm, it was not quite as expressive as I had hoped, I would have preferred it if you looked a bit more stunned.=)

But I did thoroughly enjoy walking with you, holding your hand and studying through Ayala Triangle Park on our way to your bank.

I wished we could have stayed there all afternoon, just walking along and enjoying the breeze, staring up at the plants.

I think that we should plan a date there one weekend, and we can just sit around, stare into each others' eyes, and while the afternoon away in each other's company. I think I could be quite content just looking at you and talking to you endlessly. I look forward to being able to lose myself in your arms and not even realise that the world is passing us by.

I know that must sound unreal to you, but that is how I feel sometimes, when I'm with you, as though I can suspend reality and exist with only you, next to me, holding my hand, indefinitely...

Twenty-six

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

9:48 PM

My dearest Popol,

Today I spent most of my time in QC, since we were undertaking key informant interviews for this project. First we went to DOE/NGCP/Transco offices on East Ave (I think), and then we went to the DAR along Agham Rd. After that, we were having to go to the national NCIP office, and guess where that was! At Delta! When I saw the address, I got all excited and exclaimed: "I used to go there all the time!!"

Mye and Lulu just laughed. When Lulu asked me how I knew the place, I told her I used to come here with you.

While we were driving through Q Ave, just before the turn to West Ave, I was assailed by all the memories: the entrance to your apartment, the overpass we used to take to cross to KFC, the path we used to follow to buy something in West Ave…

*Sigh* Those were the days. Which isn't to say I don't prefer your new place, where it's just you and we can do whatever we want, with no interruptions. *Wink wink*

<3,

Tya.

Twenty-five

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

9:43 PM

My dearest Popol,

I'm going with a change of scenery...certainly a different colour pen.=)

Today at the office was rather boring, same old stuff...i can only hope that yours was better, and that you weren't late coming into the office.

My parents arrive tomorrow, I'm so excited. I can't wait for them to see my new home, though I'm sure my dad will find A LOT of things that need fixing, hehe.

I try to remember whether this date holds any significance for me. Nothing in my life seems to have occurred on January 25th. No one I know celebrates their birthday on it, either...what about you? Is Jan 25 anything special for you?

Note to self (and Popol): do something special on the next January 25th and create great memories! We should strive to make each day of the year significant, don't you think?=)

Until then, I remain, loving you.

Twenty-four

Monday, January 24, 2011

9:37 PM

My dearest Popol,

Today is Marla's birthday! You know, my cute niece, Bianca's daughter? She turns two today. And getting more and more adorable.

I hope to have my own, sweet, little daughter one day, maybe when I'm 29? Definitely before I'm 30. God willing, of course.

I know you want your first child to be a son. But I really want my first baby to be a girl. I don't know why, I guess I've just fancied a daughter since before.  Also, I happen to think daughters are much easier to raise, more obedient...but I could just be biased. Hehe.

Of course, when the time comes that the Lord sees fit to gift us a child, I will love him or her no matter what. I know you will, too. Until then, I remain,

Yours.

Twenty-three

Sunday, January 23, 2011

9:30 PM

My dearest Popol,

Well, obviously I didn't write this yesterday, since you were with me most of the day, and the only times we weren't together was when I went rowing and at church.

But what happened yesterday that was quite significant was that I got UTI. Again. And I had thought that I was rid of that already, it had been so long since the last time...Go figure.

But despite that, I was (and still am) very thankful that you were with me. It was a great source of comfort to me, knowing you were there to take care of me and see me through this trying time.

It also really helped that you've been with me through my UTI times before, so you knew what to expect and how to help me get through it.

Whenever I am feeling sick, I see the tender, gentle you even more clearly, and I appreciate you even more. I am always thankful that such gentleness comes so easily to you, it assures me that when we have children of our own, you will be a gentle, loving father. And that is one of the things that I pray the father of my children would be. I know that you will love them strongly, and well. And the knowledge that calms my heart and makes me look forward to the future, without reservation, and with so much love.

I love you baby, gentle lover, and loving future father.

Tya.

Twenty-two

Saturday, January 22, 2011

9:24 PM

My dearest Popol,

I have to make this fast coz you're downstairs watching NatGeo.

Today we went to Katipunan and I got my college yearbook while you got your laundry. Finally, after almost five years!  (Not the laundry, the yearbook.)

I don't like dwelling on negative stuff in these letters of mine, I like these letters to bring a smile to your face, but I did also say that I will express my feelings in these letters, so I will.

I have to admit that having obtained my yearbook today reminded me of yours, and my heart kinda twinged at the memory - you know what I mean.

But despite that, I would like to assure you that I am secure in your love, even though you haven't said that to me in a while. I get jealous, of course. I get jealous a lot, actually. But somehow it's never really serious because I know that by the very fact of your presence, you chose me. Over any one else, and by being with me, that means you're foregoing all other girls out there - it's like voluntary opportunity cost, you knot?

It doesn't sound like you're done watching TV/surfing the internet but I'm getting really nervous and keep thinking you're coming up the stairs, so I better hide this quickly before you see me!

I love you baby.

Mwah,

Tya.

Twenty-one

Friday, January 21, 2011

10:35 PM

My dearest Popol,

I better write this fast cause you might be arriving anytime soon. I'm so excited about your coming here tonight: Vess is going home to Batangas, so we've got the house to ourselves, yey!

I love making love to you, have I told you that? I love how you make me feel, warm and tingly all over, like I can't wait for you to be touching me already, but also I can't bear to have you touch me because it feels too good.

I miss your lips, and how soft they are when you kiss me tenderly, but also how hard they can be when you can hardly restrain your passion.

I want your arms around me, your hands on me, tender in their caressing, but brutal in their passionate grip. You blow me away when our love reaches its fevered pitch and we collapse in each other's embrace - sounds cheesy, I know, like it was taken out of a romance novel, but that is how it feels to me, and I can't express them in less flowery words, for then they couldn't convey how I really feel: I.love.you.

Always,

Your Tya.

Twenty

Thursday, January 20, 2011

10:30 PM

My dearest Popol,

I'm on sick leave today. I woke up really late and now am just sitting/lying on my sofa trying not to let my head hurt too much. That doesn't make sense, does it? How can you control your head aching?

I remember your texts telling and reminding me to drink my medicines. But, um, I wasn't able to buy any, hehe, sorry. I just wished you were here, so I can be treated to your loving ministrations. Wow, my headache is getting to me, I'm using words I'm not sure I understand, hehe.

Knowing your coming here tonight is helping get me through the day. With that to look forward to, I feel certain I can pretty much get through anything. I can't wait to be in your arms tonight. I love you, sweetheart. And I remain,

Yours.

Nineteen

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

10:26 PM

My dearest Popol,

I have started feeling sick, I barely even got through today. Almost all day my head was really heavy and aching, and if I hadn't had a client meeting in the afternoon, I would have come home early.

Once again I missed living with you. Even though I was almost always the first to arrive in Paragon, knowing that my day was going to end with you in it made it complete somehow. There was no better feeling than knowing that I was going home to you, and you were coming home to me. I can hardly wait for that day again, when everyday ends with you.

I wished you could be here to take care of me and make me feel better. Being sick with you there isn't so bad. You take care of me so well, did you know that? I know I probably didn't day this enough, but I do appreciate your tenderness and loving care. Wishing for more tender loving care from you, always, I remain,

Yours.

Eighteen

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

10:21 PM

My dearest Popol,

I just finished doing my daily devotion. The topic was to forgive and forget, and was taken from the life of Joseph the dreamer and how he named his sons Manasseh or "to forget" and Ephraim, which means "twice fruitful." by doing so, he was acknowledging that God has made him forget his troubles and what evils he had experienced in life, he acknowledged that the Lord made him fruitful despite all that...maybe even BECAUSE of all that? He makes it look so easy, but it could not have been. I find myself thinking about us, and asking myself whether I was ready to forgive and forget, as Joseph had done. The forgiving part is easy, I did that long ago, almost as soon as I saw your face again in Paragon, probably. But the forgetting part is not so easy. Because to forget means to vanquish all fear and I am still fearful. But with God's help maybe I will be able to. Someday.

Seventeen

Monday, January 17, 2011

10:12 PM

My dearest Popol,

Today I found myself fantasising about what could have been, where we would be now if we hadn't broken up. Do you think we would have ended up living here in the apartment in Makati? Would we have stayed in Paragon, found a unit of our own?

Certainly, I would be happier, no matter where we ended up, as long as I got to end up there with you.

I know it's pointless, asking the what ifs. What happened, happened. And I believe we both learned A LOT from it. I learned about what was non-negotiable to me, about my deal-breakers, about what parts in a relationship I couldn't accept. But I also learned that not being with you, trying to convinve myself that I'd be fine without you, was the hardest thing I tried to do. I don’t believe I cried as much as I did at any other point in my life before. I hope I never have to again.

But please know this, every tear I cried, I cried for you. And still I remain,

Yours.

Sixteen

Sunday, January 16, 2011

10:06 PM

My dearest Popol,

I went to church today - something I hope to do regularly and consistently from this point forward. I was quite early, so when I arrived I was able to witness some of the preparations for the service. When time came for service to start, this guy came to the front bringing along his saxophone. Then he started playing...the music of Amazing Grace came wafting across the sanctuary and it made the sweetest sound, relaxing yet emotional, stirring my thoughts and seeming to prepare my heart for worshipping the Lord. During those moments I ached to have your hand in mine and revel in the fact that I was sharing that moment with you. I hope and I pray that some time in the future, sometime soon, you will indeed share those moments with me. Because we need the Lord, sweetheart. We need him if we're ever going to have a chance at real happiness with each other. Until then, I am

Yours.

Fifteen

Saturday, January 15, 2011

10:02 PM

My dearest Popol,

It's our first official day of having a TV! I'm in the sala watching it while covering my new LOTR box set. It's been one excitement after another and I haven't quite gone down from my high.

I wished I had woken up with you next to me though..i would have snuggled more deeply into your arms and slept some more. I also wished you could have stayed here over the weekend, but my mom's coming...wouldn't it be grand when we’re married and legally sharing the same bed? We wouldn't have to worry about who's coming over and getting caught sleeping together - cause that's the way it's supposed to be!

I can't wait for the day when being with you every day is what's supposed to be.

Love,

Your Tya. 

Fourteen

Friday, January 14, 2011

9:57 PM

My dearest Popol,

I am sooo tired.

We had just finished installing everything: the TV rack (which took all of three hours - the hammering, the screw-drivering, the lifting and dragging), and the TV itself. And we even forewent (is that even a word?) dinner because we were just so excited. Little did we know, of course, that it was going to take so long.

The thing is, at the end of that, the USB reader on the TV wouldn't even read any of my files! Hahay. So we went to bed tired, hungry, and somewhat disappointed. Of course, none of that could dampen our excitement over the fact that we now have a 32-in LCD TV!!!

I wished you could have been here to see it, though. More than that, I wished I could have crawled into your arms when I was exhausted and sleepy - nothing beats sleeping in your arms. It makes me feel all is well.

I love you, Popol. *sigh*=)

Thirteen

Thursday, January 13, 2011

9:52 PM

My dearest Popol,

I want you to know that I appreciate you. There are so many things about you that I am thankful for: your passion, and the way you leverage on that to get ahead and move forward. I hope you never lose it, I hope you remain as dedicated to your art and to your architecture as ever.

I am thankful for your tenderness. When I am with you, and you hold my hand, or smooth my hair away from my face, or kiss me gently on the forehead, I feel as though everything is going to be okay, that I don't have to worry, because you are there protecting me. I hope that you don’t lose your tenderness. I've seen you become forceful and aggressive in stressful situations and you terrified me. Please don't let me see that again. I want the gentle you.

I am thankful for your love. What we have is real and lasting, and I pray that we will persevere in it. We have an entire future ahead of us, a future for which to plan for our lives together, to enjoy together. And I say this in all seriousness, ISTJ that I am. I love you. And I will stay true to you, because I remain,

Yours.

Twelve

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

9:46 PM

My dearest Popol,

Tonight you're sleeping over, because you had a meeting till late with your Disenyo crowd. But I got mad at you for not replying to my text, and making me wait a long time for you to arrive. I really didn't want to get mad but you drove me to it: you know how I hate being made to wait around!

But when you finally arrived and I had calmed down some, you were able to appease me right away. I don't know how you do that! I can't understand why it seems so easy for you to "puyok" me, and I give in right away. *sigh* I don't know if you just have a way with you, or if I just can't stay mad at you for long - either way, I'm thankful. Reconciliation is ALWAYS good in my book.

We just spent the past hour and a half reading and discoursing about our respective personalities. We really do have contrasting traits. But I guess that could be why we are so attracted to each other. Jerry Maguire's line comes to mind. Cheesy, yes. But that should be right up your alley! You're downstairs sleeping on my couch as I write this, and your mere presence is like a balm to my heart.

Yours in love,

Tya

Eleven

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

9:41 PM

My dearest Popol,

Today, I just want to tell you about my day, just like we used to do at Paragon before.

I had breakfast of ham. When I got into the office, I made myself some coffee (I don't buy coffee anymore these days, unless there's occasion for it - I keep hearing your voice in my head, saying "do you really NEED to buy that?" More and more I ask myself that question whenever I'm thinking to buy something, and more and more the answer has become "No." I'm glad for that. But I digress.

I was really busy today, I felt like I was chasing deadlines and people all over the place. So busy, in fact, that I left the office at half past six, the first time since the new year that I didn't leave as soon as I could. After that, Vess and I did some grocery-shopping at Landmark, for meat, because apparently Shopwise meat smells "soapy."

I love you, darling.

As always I am

YOURS.

Ten

Monday, January 10, 2011

9:35 PM

My dearest Popol,

You left my house just a little while ago.

You were quite tired, perhaps from all the excitement of your first day?

I almost wished you could live here with me. No, I do wish you could live here with me. That way you don't have to endure such long travel times. But I do understand that we're both probably not ready for that again. There are still unresolved things between us that jumping into something like that can only be rash and ill-advised.

But I'm confident that we will be able to work all of that out in the future, and living together will become as natural as holding hands. Who knows when that will happen; what matters to me is the certainty that it will.

But until that day when coming home means coming home to you again, I remain

Yours.

Nine

Monday, January 09, 2011

11:29 PM

You and Kyla and Carla just left a little while ago. I had a lot of fun spending this weekend with you - making love last night and talking in bed, waking up next to you, having breakfast together.

I wish we could have gone to church together, but there will be other times. I don't want to pressure you, either, but I pray that we will share a healthy spiritual life in future, where out love is made stronger by the presence of the Lord in our lives.

I realise today as we were shopping for our shoes that I may have gotten used to your style of shopping, the going around and moving from brand to brand, the uncertainty, the uncertainty.=) certainly I think I have more patience for it now. And for the record, yes, you do have great taste.=D

When we are married (not if), I do believe that I will have the most tasteful (tasty?=)), stylish husband out there,

But for now, I remain

Yours.

Eight

Sunday, July 08, 2011

11:23 PM

My dearest Popol,

I just finished cleaning my kitchen and living room. I'm tired byt also, surprisingly, energised. It reminded me of living in Paragon and undertaking thorough, though admittedly infrequent, house clean ups.

It kind of gave me a feeling of being mistress in my own households, and I can only surmise that this must be how it would feel if I had a house of my own in future, where my husband would live and my kids - a family of my own.

I can’t help wishing that you would be that family, that those kids would be your kids. I can almost see it now, I will  be the "discipliner" and you will be the spoiler. And our kids will prefer you coz you would give them whatever they want. Haha.

I want a girl and a boy. Maybe twins so I need only to give birth once. Hehe. But that would make things doubly hard coz we'd have to do things at the same time!

But enough fantasy. I can only pray that my dream comes true.

Until then, I remain

Yours.

Seven

Saturday, January 07, 2011

11:19 PM

My dearest Popol,

Tomorrow you fly back to Manila. I'm so excited! Because I see you're coming back to Manila as coming back to me. We'll be within driving/commuting distance again.

Once again I'll have weekends to look forward to, weekends which we can spend watching moves on my computer, or making love, or even just lounging around in bed.

I can't wait for it to be tomorrow already. I can't wait to see you again and give you a huge hug and kiss you and just hold you, feel your heart next to mine, know that you are right there, next to me.

But until tomorrow comes, I remain

Yours.

Six

Friday, January 06, 2011

11:14 PM

My dearest Popol,

Today I took a quick Myers-Briggs type personality test. I came out to be an ISTJ, which stands for "introverted sensing with Extraverted Thinking" and as I was reading the description, I saw some things that reminded me of some of the complaints you had about me. For instance, ISTJs apparently believe it's more important to be right that to be liked (*guffaw*). Also that ISTJs can be considered aloof and uncaring because they aren't the most vivacious or accommodating of people. Learning about myself and personality got me thinking: if I knew what your personality profile was and the typical way in which you think, would I understand you better? And if  you did the same thing in regard to me, would that mean that being with each other could become infinitely more harmonious? I hope that becomes true. But until then, I remain

Yours.

Five

Thursday, January 05, 2011

11:08 PM

My Dearest Popol,

I just arrived from bonding with Aze and Zhan. The cab ride home was weird. The cab driver assumed I was married, so I just sort of went with it (though at the same time trying to hide the fact that I wasn't wearing a ring). He kept asking things like where I worked, where you (husband) worked, what our province was, etc etc. And through all that, given that I had to practically invent my married life, I found it easy, and naturally placed you in the role of husband. It's not surprising, really, I mean, who else was I really going to cast as my husband, right? I guess it just goes to show that even when we were apart, even during those times when I didn't want to be with you anymore, I never really stopped thinking of you as the one for me. Or maybe I had gotten so used to thinking of my future as having you in it that I couldn't stop. And I still don't. I want my future to have you in it. Always.

But until that day comes to pass,

I remain,

Yours.

Four

Wednesday, January 04, 2011

11:01 PM

My Dearest Popol,

Today I want to tell you about how proud I am of you. I am proud of your passion for architecture. Proud of your talent for art. Proud of your skill for drawing. Proud of your ability to lead. But more than all these things, I am proud of your confidence and belief in yourself.

I have never met anyone else more self-assured, more confident in his abilities, or more hopeful about his future. I know I don't always seem to be, but I am inspired when you talk about your plans, when you start sounding so passionate and unstoppable about all those things you want to do. I envy you these things. I wished I too had the same kind of passion about what I do and who I am, I wished I were as much on fire as you. When you talk about your future, it gives me hope, somehow. It's as though I become less jaded. When you talk about your future, you sound so sure that it will be great and wonderful that I want to be there with you. To share your joys and your triumphs. And when you have failures along the way, I want to be there, too, so I can cheer you on and remind you of how much you've already accomplished  and how much more you can still do. But until that day comes, I remain

Yours.

Three

Tuesday, January 03, 2011

10:54 PM

My Dearest Popol,

What a coincidence that I should have chosen this piece of stationery to write on today. Because, as you told me, it was more than just a nice day for you, it was a great day! You had gone to Timoga w/ your childhood friends and evidently had loads of fun. I'm glad for you, Popol. It's great to be carefree once in a while.

I miss our carefree times at Paragon, when you'd do your funny impersonation and antics and make me laugh. I miss just lounging in bed with you not worrying about what time it is since we had the whole weekend to while away. I miss cooking at home and you eating with relish, as if tuna with eggs was the best meal you've ever had, and your compliments were endless.

But most of all I miss you, and how you were with me when we were together, so loving and affectionate and so profuse in your declarations of love. And I miss declaring my love for you. Because make no mistake about it, I want to. Telling you I love you came so naturally to me before that, now that I have to hold myself back from saying it out loud, it feels weird.

I look forward to the day I can say so, again, but until then, I remain

Yours.

Two

Monday, January 02, 2011

10:48 PM

My dearest Popol,

I go back to Manila today, while you stay back in Iligan a little longer. I'll miss you. It feels weird not being within driving distance of each other.

Just today I thought of something: I will enclose a one-hundred-peso bill with each letter I write to you. That way I get to save at the same time. That's one of the many things I learned from you, and I'm thankful for it. I've felt the difference acutely: because of you I look at spending money differently. I have felt the need to be careful with it.

I'll need to take back the 100 bills when you open my letters, though (hehehe).

I love you, Popol, and always I remain,

Yours.

One

Sunday, January 01, 2011

10:44 PM

My dearest Popol,

I've decided to write you one letter a day this year. I feel certain that we wil be able to work out the issues we have about each other, and come together once again in love and devotion. But until then, I'll pour forth in these letters what I can't yet say to your face.

That I love you, I have never stopped loving you.

That I still look forward to a lifetime spent with you.

The last few months have been a trial, more difficult than any I have ever had to go through. Yet through all that my love for you has not diminished, not even a little. I doubt it ever will.

Happy New Year, my darling.

Yours,

Katja