Fifty-nine

Monday, February 28, 2011

11:20 PM

My dearest Popol,

It's true what they say about despair. It wraps itself around your heart, so tightly that it seems to be all you know, and it doesn't matter what time of day it is, or whether you're about to sleep or have just woken up, it's there, constantly, and you can't break away.

It’s my second hour at my new desk here in Alphaland, having mechanically fixed my stuff around me. Through all that, nothing about how I feel has changed. The reminder remains: you don't miss me back.

Fifty-eight

Sunday, February 27, 2011

11:13 PM

My Dearest Popol,

It never really occurred to me, since starting to write these letters, that there was a possibility that we wouldn't end up together. I suppose I was so certain about how I felt that I never paused, even for a moment, to consider that maybe you no longer feel the same way about me. I took it for granted that it was only a matter of time, that you would tell me you loved me, sooner not later. But maybe you wont?

It's curious, when you start having doubts, you think of nothing else. And even things you wouldn't normally take notice of, or think of as suspect, necessarily, all seem to point to one thing: things are changing.

I don't know when these feelings of unease started, exactly. Though that day a week ago stands out: when you told me you were going to Baguio. Then after that, you seem to take longer to reply to my texts, or you don't reply at all, or you seem to be distant, and cold. It could all be my imagination. I really hope it is.

When you're away from me, and on one of your trips with your friends, and having a lot of fun, do you spare me a thought at all?

Fifty-seven

Saturday, February 26, 2011

11:11 PM

My dearest Popol,

I miss you.

I miss you so much.

I had thought I'd be spending tonight with you - was dreaming about it for weeks. But oh well. I suppose I could wait for when you come back.

I wonder if you miss me too? Although I imagine you're having too much fun in Baguio to have time to miss me.

But it's okay, maybe when I see you again, you'll see that you did miss me somehow. Here's hoping.

Fifty-six

Friday, February 25, 2011

11:08 PM

My dearest Popol,

Well, it's a tiny piece of stationery, so I'll keep this short (and sweet?).

Today on the jeepney ride to work you mentioned that you were planning to go abroad soon. I dunno if you were trying to soften the blow by saying "Antarctica" but I really, really don't want you to go. And not that I'm planning on grad school here, I don't think I could come with you even if you had wanted me to. *sigh*

Fifty-five

Thursday, February 24, 2011

11:01 PM

My dearest Popol,

HONEY, I'M HOME!

Hi sweetie, I'm finally back in Manila! Gosh, I miss you. I hope you get here soon. 5 o'clock feels so far awayyyy...it feels like the last 17 days were interminable, I don't know how I was able to get through that.

Did you notice the date? It's our number! Hehe, wala lang.

I came straight home from the airport in order to rest. Although we didn't really do anything today except travel, the flight wore me out nonetheless.

I decided to write this letter this afternoon instead of tonight, when I usually find time to write. When you arrive later I don't want to be distracted by anything. I want to be able to focus all my attention to you tonight.

While I am so very happy that I will see you again after almost three weeks away, I am also somewhat filled with a sense of dread. After this one night together you will be travelling to Baguio for the weekend. One night is too short a time to make up for our weeks away. I wish I could go with you. But I know that is not to be. *sigh*

It's okay though. I don't really mind that much. Having you for a night is far better than none at all. Please get here really, really soon?

I love you baby.

Tya_

Fifty-four

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

10:59 PM

My dearest Popol,

You know what, this day was quite shocking. We were supposed to interview two people. But when our buddy came forth to fetch us at the hotel, she told us that one of the tribal chieftains had been shot to death the night before! Scary! I think it was "re-do" - however you spell that.

When I heard that I was so scared I really wanted to hug you, to assure myself you're there..

Fifty-three

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

10:54 PM

My dearest Popol,

Guess what! Kat-leung and Carl are engaged! I saw it on Tita Baj's Facebook, she posted pictures of the engagement. Isn't she such a cute Mom? I wrote on Kat & Carl's walls, and also commented on Tita's album.

Then I read some of the other people's comments on Tita's posts, and noticed that quite a few were teasing about her becoming a grandmother soon. And she would always respond about how excited she was at the prospect.

And that made me really sad...Remember how I told you that Carl didn't want kids? He was really set on it at that time. And I'm really saddened about Tita being really excited, not knowing that it might not happen.

I'm thankful that you want kids too. We don't agree on how many to have just yet but that will be easy to settle when we're there.

I can't wait to have babies with you. And when that day comes, I'll be the happiest girl ever. Until then, I remain,

Yours.